Is it me?

Usually on Wednesdays Hannah is gone ALL day, not because she's in school, but by her choice.  My mom picks her up for horse lessons at 9 am and she doesn't get home till after 4.  When I call my mom to drop her off for lunch she tells me she already ate and she doesn't want to come home.  In the past I was cool and somewhat relieved that she wasn't ready to come home because I had things to do while Lulu was napping.  This past Wednesday I kept looking at the clock and missing her and I think Lulu wanted her sister's company too.  There was plenty to do around the house so it wasn't boredom it was the feeling of not wanted =(  Does she have more fun with my mom?  Does she need a break from her mom?  Have I been mean or short tempered with her?  A million of questions popped in my head while eating lunch....solo.  So, I found myself writing a list in my head with Hannah's pros and cons of hanging out me. 

Pros:
If there is time and if it's a nice day and if Lulu takes a good nap we go to the park and ride bikes
If there is time and Lulu is napping we do crafts
If mom lets me I can play Barbie.com

Cons:
She doesn't let me clean with her
Sends me outside to play when I ask for tv or movies
Monitors my snack intake
Always waiting around for lulu to wake up to do something
Makes me entertain Lulu while she cleans house or showers

Suddenly I stopped my list because I realized her cons was turning out to be longer than her pros.  And to top it off her pros had IF's for fun.  I paused for a moment and thought about the scene from Sex and the City when Miranda was writing her list of pros and cons about getting back with her ex.  She had a slight panic attack because her list of pros was longer than her cons and she knew her ex would have way more cons than pros.  They reunited at the bridge with a big hug and lived happier and ever after!  

That day as soon as Lulu woke up from her nap, we went over to my parent's house to pick up Hannah.  She smiled and said- where are you going?  I said, we are going to eat some ice-cream and check out the Dollar Store & Target(she loves these two stores).  Her response broke my heart- "oh, I'm gonna stay with Abuelita, we're gonna brush Dillon's and Rockstar's hair."  I couldn't believe she would skip out on ice cream and spending a couple of dollars for a horse and a donkey!!!!  I told her that I missed her and really needed some Hannah time and to please join us for some ice cream and money spending.  She ended up coming with us, but only because I faked cried and begged her to come.
Yesterday we walked over to feed Dillon & Rockstar some carrots and of course when it was time to go she asked if she can stay at my parents.  When I walked back home....solo, I thought about asking her why she doesn't like being home with me, but to be honest, I was scared of the truth.  I finally asked her today why doesn't she like to go home after spending a long time at Abuilita's & Papa's?  She said she didn't know.  I asked if she had more fun with them and her response was no, I have fun at my house to.  So I re-phrased and said, when you're at their house you never want to come home- I go and pick you up and you always say you're not ready to come home- why?  She gave me a look of empathy and put her hand on my arm and said "I still love you mom. I have fun with Abuelita and I have fun with you.  Don't worry I still love you."  Those 4 words are so powerful especially coming out of a five year old's mouth!  That was a good enough response for me and I had my happy ending....better than Miranda's ending on Sex & the City :)