Even though Christmas songs are airing the radio waves and have taken full effect at all the stores I will not forget about Thanksgiving. It's the time stop and reflect all the good in my life despite the trials and humps life throws at me. I remember when I was in my twenties I thought I was the luckiest woman alive because I didn't have anyone near me die, Gabe always had a dependable job, my family always supported me and I was enjoying life with my beautiful daughter. I thought God just had a special place in his heart and always wanted to keep me happy by throwing simple challenges in my life to overcome.
As I look back the last eleven years of my life, I think God was gradually making me stronger and mature to handle some of life's biggest trials.....back to back. I was devastated when my dad called me two years ago to tell me he only had a few more months to live. We both let go of the past and re-kindled our father/daughter relationship about two years prior to his diagnosis. I felt like I didn't have enough time to spend with him- I had plans with him and desire to spend more time. Not a day went by when I didn't talk to my dad everyday. That year I was so thankful for phones and I learned a a huge lesson- don't hold onto hurt and grudges for 10+ years. Shortly after my dad's death, my cousin, who my sister and I grew up with and played with on weekends died from a tragic motorcycle accident. He was 31 years of age and I suddenly realized the true meaning of-
Only God knows when your last day will be. It scared the crap out of me because my biggest fear in life is that God will take my babies. From that moment I made a point to say I love you to my girls more than once a day and to pray for their protection and to have faith that I'll always have my children with me.
I remember about a year ago being so thankful for learning to be patient! Good things happen when you wait, right?! I laugh now thinking that we moved a total of six times in less than seven months! I thought if I had to pack another box and fold all my clothes while being pregnant I am gonna explode and scream at someone! I tell ya, I appreciated the small things after moving so many times! Moreover, I am especially thankful to live on a private property with farm animals and not having to worry about my girls playing outside with out my constant supervision.
This year was another toughy. So tough that I pretty much secluded myself from friends and obviously writing about it. I felt like the storm my family just went through was a sign that God had forsaken us. I seriously thought He turned his back on us when we lost our restaurant. We tried everything in our power to stop an evil woman from buying the shopping center (where we had our restaurant in) to terminate our lease. After meeting with lawyers and trying to come up with alternative solutions it boiled down to one thing...time. We were given a 30 day notice and there is not much you can do in 30 days- as far as moving or buying more time. Closing the doors on July 31 was the hardest thing my family and I ever went through. Telling employees who have worked for us for 6 years that they don't have a job was heart breaking. Saying goodbye to my employees and dedicated customers who remember me before I was pregnant with Hannah was tough. No one could ever understand or comprehend how hard it is to start a restuarant. The fact that we ran a sucessful one for six years and to be forced to vacate, not becuase we couldn't pay rent, but because of someone's greed was beyond painful. This woman who bought the shopping center not only has money, but is in the city council and is well known in this town and my mom and I know her on a personal level. Instead of offering us money for our establishment and business she bought the stip so that her son could open a bar/restaurant in our spot.
Like I mentioned before, I felt like this was not meant to be and surely God turned his back on us. I couldn't see the light at the end of this stormy tunnel. I couldn't abide by that saying-
when one door closes, another one opens. I couldn't bear to see my parents in pain....to see them lose everything. I have Gabe for financial support, but my parents? How could God do this to them? What does He have in stored for my parents and me after this? Depsite this, my mom always stayed positive and I somehow managed to relate to the messages the pastor preached every Sunday. Every Sunday he would preach the same thing, but I guess I needed to hear this more than once-
God loves you so much and will never abandon you. He has great things for you, He will always take care of you.....great things are yet to come. About a month after the closer of my mom's & I resturant, I found out I was pregnant. I was in disbelief, just confused really. I finally convinced Gabe to get fixed and he agreed to the initial consultation and with my infertility problems and using protection I just couldn't believe. Instead of seeing this as a total blessing after the storm I continued my whole first trimester in disbelief and deniel. Not until recently, I met with an older wise friend who turned the light on for me. She said this baby will be the biggest joy in not only in my life, but my parents. God knew this is just what we needed after what happened with the restaurant. We all have more time in our lives (who doesn't want more time) to enjoy the blessings this baby will bring. Her smile and happiness made me realize this is the beginning of
great things are yet to come. From that moment, I am over joyed about this pregnancy and beyond excited, just like if it was my first baby.
I conclude this post by saying that I am grateful for extended family. I love how I am close to my cousins, sister in laws, and of course my mother, sister and daughters are the world to me. I can't forget about my husband, who is my rock. This pregnancy had made me more appreciative of him and I pretty much tell him everyday- you're so good to me, thank you!!!!
