I have always wanted to blog, but about what? Well, it's always good to gather your thoughts and to record your kids milestones, right? Well, as I sit back and recollect my thoughts, I feel extremely blessed and a tad bit overwhelmed. 2011 will officially be remembered by lots and lots of tears. Tears of joy, tears of frustration, tears of fear , and tears of grief.
I give thanks to God every single day for my girls. Lulu was born almost 9 months ago, which is my little miracle baby. She has brought tears of joy for sure!!!! When I gave up hope in having another child, God came through, but on HIS timing. I got pregnant the month Gabe's company approved our relocation back to Austin. Despite the economy and mass lay offs in the high tech industry, Gabe's company gave us the same relocation package they gave to us 4 years ago (when times where good in the high tech industry) to move back. When I was trying to get pregnant 3 years ago, I had no intentions of going back to Austin. I had already prepared my mind about having a baby in Utah and knew I would be able to handle it. There is scripture verse in 1st Corinthians 10:13- that basically says, if we belong to Him, God will not allow any difficulty to come into our lives that we are not capable of bearing. So, I interpret my miscarriages and infertility treatment failure as in not God's timing to have another baby. He knew I wouldn't have been able to handle a newborn and a toddler alone, with no help. Reflecting back, I don't know how I would have packed a house (partially), moved a total of 6 times, and remodeled a home with two kids and two big dogs!!!! So, have faith in God, HE knows what He is doing!!!
Reflecting back to year from now, Oct 1, 2010- I can't help but laugh! By October Gabe, Hannah, my dogs & my pregnant self had already moved 3 times. We finally settled in Room 318, the 3rd floor of Homewood Suites in Austin. Everyday we enjoyed the mix reactions on the elevators- some people were frightened and upset that they had to share an elevator with 2 big dogs. Others were nice and dog friendly and the my favorite were the ones who walked in the elevator with the newspaper in their face or texting and realized later they were standing next to Taz who was sniffing them, lol! One particular incident that Hannah and I will never forget was when the fire alarm went off. It was getting late and I had Hannah in the bath. The next minute, the fire alarm went off and it was piercing LOUD. My dogs couldnt' handle the noise and were pacing the room and barking. I had no clue what to do- I freaked out and couldn't move. I tried to call the front desk to check if it was a false alarm, but the phone line didn't work. I panicked and grabbed Hannah out of the tub and wrapped a towel around her. I couldn't decide weather to let my dogs loose or put a leash on them, but I worried that if there was a fire they wouldn't find a safe way out. So, I had Hannah in my arms and a combo of 175 lbs (the dogs weight) pulling me down the stairs. I was cursing Gabe for still being at work and praying to God that I wouldn't fall (I was 6 months pregnant) down the stairs. We made it outside safely minus the fact that Hannah had no clothes and my eardrums! So was it a false alarm? Someone burnt popcorn!
So what are the tears of frustration? Well, by the end of Oct, corporate housing was coming to an end, which meant we had to find a place for our dogs since we decided to move in with our parents (not dog friendly parents =/). Our friends with a big heart opened their home to our dogs. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, both dogs get sick. Confusion and the thought of neglect from us gave them all sort of health issues. Vet bills accumulated along with paying the storage unit out of pocket stressed us all out. I was on a mission to find a rental home since the property we wanted to buy didn't pan out. During that time, my doctor gave me the red flag to take it easy at work because my cervix was softening and feared that I would go into labor before 28 weeks. Bring on the tears!!!!
Tears of pain and grief are the most recent emotions I have been dealing with. Between the passing of my father and the sudden death of my 32 year old cousin- I could have filled up a small pond from my tears. Even though we all knew my dad didn't have a ton of time left, nothing prepares you for death. It still hurts. I wish I had more time with him, I wish I was filthy rich so that I could have taken him to a beautiful destination to literaly take his last breath, and I wish he was still around to enjoy his kids and grandkids.
This week, when I was getting Hannah ready for school my mom calls me to tell me that my cousin died in a motorcycle accident. I had no words for my uncle and aunt when I called them that afternoon. As a mother, I didn't even want to think about what my aunt was going through. Tragic, I know. We grew up together, as he was only 2 years older than me. He was always so nice and smiley. Here one day, gone the next. Never thought that would happen to one of my family members- dying with out saying good bye. Rest in peace my dear cousin Stewart.....
I love this photo!! I had just walked into my dad's house and this was his first time meeting Lulu. She was only 2 1/2 months when my siblings and I traveled to Antioch, CA to lift my dad's spirits.
This is what I thank God for everyday. Definitely not taking life for granted.
